I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
