I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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