you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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