Just look for the house with the beer knights.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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