True but thats because hes a fetus.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Randomize
