he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
