Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
His hands were made for my vagina.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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