All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
