I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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