How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
