Betty ford says i'm here all night
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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