Grow some girl-balls and come out already
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
