FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Randomize
