the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
