i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize