we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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