Dude my mom stole all your condoms
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
