I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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