My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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