Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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