Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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