stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
