I wish my penis had an off switch
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
