Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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