I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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