$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
