listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
