I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
