I just pynch a tree in the face
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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