hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
