yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
