Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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