What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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