I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
