I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
