kristin has been a bad kristin
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
