so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
