i jhust puked up my retainher.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
