C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
