your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
