Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
