Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
