if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
