At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
