My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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