Plan B is the new Plan A
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
