Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize