i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
i drank out of a bidet.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
