how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize
