How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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