once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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