tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
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