In the future we'll all be gay
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize