It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize