brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I'd cum for enchiladas.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
