Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
