The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
