Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Randomize
