He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
