smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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