I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
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