the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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