I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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