I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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