I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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