I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
