we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
