I could make wine with my vomit
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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